To You

Dear you,

I know I have no idea who you are. I mean, I may have a picture of you in my mind. An idea of who I wish you are or want you to be. But, that’s all in my mind. In reality, I have no idea who you are. But, I am writing you this letter anyway. Well, actually, I am posting this letter anyway, because, to be perfectly honest, I have notebook pages and Word documents filled with letters to you. That’s because I am an emotional, reflective person, and the way I cope, think, and process is through writing. So, I hope you read this letter, eventually, even if I don’t yet know who you are.

Dear you, I’ve prayed for you. Not that I would find you or that you would like me. Instead, I prayed for you. I prayed you would discover God’s uniquely amazing purpose for your life. I prayed you would prepare your heart and you wouldn’t give into temptation or desire. I prayed you would develop a hunger for His presence. I prayed for myself. I prayed I would prepare my own heart, resist temptation, and discover God’s purpose for me. And then, I prayed for us. I prayed that God would lead us together and prepare us for each other. I prayed that we would build a relationship that strengthens, encourages, and draws us closer to Christ. A relationship that reflects Christ. And then, you appeared.

Okay, well, that’s not really true. You didn’t show up at my door one day dressed all nice with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in your hand, all Prince Charming like. Nor did you magically appear by my bedside one night after I finished praying for you. You didn’t announce your presence with flashing lights or resounding trumpets. In fact, you kind of slipped into my life unnoticed. You crept your way into my mind and heart without me actually realizing how you were making me feel. But, you did eventually turn out to be Prince Charming. It was just when I wasn’t expecting it. It was once I had stopped thinking of us and started leaving us in God’s hands.

And I am so glad I left us in God’s hands. Because we were able to grow together separately before we began growing together with each other. And, because of that, I am able to love you so much more. And I do love you. (I also really like you.)

I love your intelligence. The way your mind works. I love the way you form ideas and opinions and the way you express them. Your intelligence that is both conventional and unconventional at the same time. How you can learn but also create. How you feel. How you relate. How you express yourself. Because intelligence comes in so many forms and each one is beautiful.

I love your passion. Because, to me, there is nothing cuter than a person expressing their passions. And I love the way you express yours’. The way your eyes light up and your smile shines so much brighter. How you could go on about them for hours. I love the way you love them- even if they are a little weird. Because I think that’s beautiful. And I think you are beautiful.

I love the way you laugh. Because nothing is more pleasing to my ears than the sound of happiness. And I love the sound of your happiness. I love the way your eyes are always shining and your smile is always sparkling. And if I were the type of girl who enjoys cliches, I would compare them to the stars or diamonds. But, I’m not, so I won’t. But, I do love the way you light up the room, even though that is a bit cliche. I love the way you attract people to you, not solely because of your beauty but because of your personality. Your character. And oh, do I love your character.

I love the way you love my saltiness and sarcasm. And not only the way you love it, but the way you throw it right back at me. Because I totally deserve it. And you know that I take Colossians 4:6 very seriously.

I love the way you at least pretend to like my friends. Because they mean so much to me. And my best friends were the first to know about you. From the day my feelings for you shifted to the day you let yours be known. I love that you at least make an effort to know them.

I love the way you got to know me. Because I am not easy to get to know, and I am difficult to understand. I have so many weird things about me. So many hidden and often difficult to uncover layers. I love that you put the effort into discovering my mind and my soul.

I love you for opening up to me and for making me feel comfortable opening up to you. Because, despite the fact I often write openly, genuinely opening up to people is not easy for me to do.

I love you for accepting my flaws and insecurities. You know I am not perfect. I love you for loving me anyway.  Because I am often so imperfect I convince myself I don’t deserve you. I know you’re not perfect either. That’s one of the reasons I love you so much. Your flaws not only make you human, they make you, you. You wouldn’t be your adorable, beautiful, hilarious, kind, wonderful self without them.

I love you for accepting me even on those days when my insecurity is drowning me. Because I know everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but there are some days when I feel my weaknesses are too strong. There are days when they overcome me so much I wonder why you chose me and not someone else. Because sometimes I think you could have, and should have, chosen someone else. But, I’m glad you didn’t. And I love you for dealing with my annoying comments, nerdy quirks, social awkwardness, introverted loudness, and wandering mind.

So, dear you, I am writing this to tell you how much I love you. But, I am also writing this to tell you I’m glad you’re not Romeo. Because I don’t want a Romeo. I’m not sure if you ever actually read Romeo and Juliet, but I do not really want that story to be the story of us. Not that that’s a love story anyway. And there is so much more I could say to this, but I am sure you have already heard me say it. So, thank you for not being Romeo. And, thank you for not being “The One” either. Because I never bought into the whole idea of “The One.” With 7 billion people in the world, it seems ridiculously far-fetched and statistically impossible. But, I do thank you for being the one. For being the one who chose to pursue me, and for being the one who stuck around.

Also, I kind of wish we could have skipped the whole awkwardness at the beginning of everything. Because there was a lot of it. I definitely made a fool of myself on multiple occasions, and I definitely looked like an idiot more times than I didn’t. And you probably hated me when you first met me. But, even after we got past that, we dealt with the whole awkwardness that came with both of us denying and ignoring our feelings while trying to figure out the other’s. And, once we got past that awkwardness, there was the whole awkwardness at the beginning of trying to transition from deeply loving friends to friends who love each other deeply but differently. So, there was a lot of awkwardness, and maybe it’s just because I am an awkward person. But, regardless, I wish we could have skipped it.

I hope you understand I don’t need you. I don’t need you to survive. I don’t need you to complete me. I am not broken. I am not half a person. I am complete. I can live without you. But, life is a whole lot better when I live it with you.

From,

Me

 

 

 

 

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